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Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0

04 Oct 2009 09:18pm

Post your funny jokes here FunnyJokes Fall-Down Drunk A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1

05 Oct 2009 08:41pm

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	07 Oct 2009 12:29am
	lol

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	07 Oct 2009 05:29pm
	lol

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0

09 Oct 2009 02:32am

A Fart Smeller or A Smart Feller There's a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...."

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	10 Oct 2009 05:14pm
	lol, thats a good one

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0

10 Oct 2009 08:26pm

FunnyJokes Jumbojoke Jokes2Go » Celebrity Farting Shaggy, Shania Twain, and Britney Spears go in a limo to a restaurant. Someone farts and Shaggy says,"Wasn't me!". Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much." Britney Spears says,"Oops, I did it again." The next day they go in a limo to a bar and someone farts. Shaggy says, "Wasn't me!". Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much." Britney Spears says, "Stronger than yesterday

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	10 Oct 2009 09:52pm
	Haha

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	10 Oct 2009 09:53pm
	Knock Knock Whos there Britney Britney Who Knock Knock Whos there Britney Britney Who Oops I did it again...

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	11 Oct 2009 07:09pm
	lol

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	12 Oct 2009 07:23pm
	I walked passed a mental home yesterday, on the other side of the fence, I could here them all shouting "13 , 13, 13, 13, 13 " I was curious about what was going on, so I found a hole in the fence and crouched down to look through it. Just then, some tw@t poked me in the f@ckin eye.... ....they all started shouting "14, 14, 14, 14, 14"

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	12 Oct 2009 09:49pm
	lol.. now that is funny

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	14 Oct 2009 01:44am
	How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0

15 Oct 2009 12:18am

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The programmer said, “Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool.”

Lil Demon [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	15 Oct 2009 12:37am
	lmfao. That's pretty good.

Lil Mrs.B [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: 0	15 Oct 2009 02:54am
	i will post jokes every day

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1	15 Oct 2009 07:53am
	I will post loads now

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1

15 Oct 2009 07:54am

Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1

15 Oct 2009 07:55am

lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

care_bear bunny [inactive] Post Count: 0 Respect: -1

15 Oct 2009 07:55am

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."