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[FUC] Prime Time

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08 Mar 2010 06:46pm
Be A Man
Posted at: 2009-10-15 11:26:06
Original ad:
Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net
From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Hello,

I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I'm in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.

Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Well I'm definitely interested in kicking your fucking ass. One question, asshole: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton?

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn't right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don't think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw.

So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

You're goddamn right I am. It's just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I'll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that'll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer's head off and eating the raw venison from its neck.

Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I'll sell you some football equipment for your son. I'd hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go fuck yourself.

Shut Up

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08 Mar 2010 06:50pm
lol :p

football > soccer ;)

Foxy Vixen

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08 Mar 2010 06:53pm
lmfao :shock:

FunINTheSun

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08 Mar 2010 06:56pm
Lmfao, I cracked up by the time I read the Brokeback Mountain bit. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

The Badger

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08 Mar 2010 07:13pm
Football(or "soccer" as you call) it is a great sport thats played worldwide by club's and country's,
US suck at "soccer" thats why its not as big a sport there as it would be if they were any good . . .

You think football is a gay sport you wouldn't say that if you walked through my local park on a saturday morning . . .

Clint Eastwood

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08 Mar 2010 07:17pm
Quote by The Badger:
Football(or "soccer" as you call) it is a great sport thats played worldwide by club's and country's, US suck at "soccer" thats why its not as big a sport there as it would be if they were any good . . . You think football is a gay sport you wouldn't say that if you walked through my local park on a saturday morning . . .


i definantly would.. why wat would happen?? a bunch of guys twirling batons wearing little pink shorts would get a bit angry?? lmao fuck soccer

The Badger

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08 Mar 2010 07:22pm
Quote by Gogeta:
i definantly would.. why wat would happen?? a bunch of guys twirling batons wearing little pink shorts would get a bit angry?? lmao fuck soccer[/b]

No you'd see people with skill and talent thats why i said my local park and not your's.
Says the guy with an avi of a dude with his hairy arse out . . . .
Fuck American Football . . .

Clint Eastwood

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08 Mar 2010 07:26pm
Quote by The Badger:
Quote by Gogeta: i definantly would.. why wat would happen?? a bunch of guys twirling batons wearing little pink shorts would get a bit angry?? lmao fuck soccer
No you'd see people with skill and talent thats why i said my local park and not your's. Says the guy with an avi of a dude with his hairy arse out . . . . Fuck American Football . . . [/b]

yea cuz runnin down a field kicking a ball for like 2 hours is soo much fucking fun.. i tried watching it before it wasnt in the least bit entertaining at all.. Fifa 10 is pretty good tho but the sport overall sucks dick jus like you.. football Pnws Soccer :up

Clint Eastwood

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08 Mar 2010 07:27pm
Fight House
You are in a fight with [IRA] The Badger !

[1] [IRA] The Badger using their Cornershot Gun hit you for 0 damage.
[2] Using your Cornershot Gun you hit 61,005,272 damage on [IRA] The Badger


You killed [IRA] The Badger .

You gain 70 EXP and stole $0 from [IRA] The Badger .


dont talk about my hiary assed men.. i love them

The Badger

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08 Mar 2010 07:33pm
Its more than kicking a ball it involves skill control reading the game and teamwork and its 45 minutes a half . . . American football just stops and starts all the fuckin time which just bores me . . .
Well i don't see the American football World cup ever becoming a worldwide spectacle . . .
Where as every 4 years the football world cup is watched worldwide by millions upon millions of people . . .

[FUC] Prime Time

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08 Mar 2010 07:36pm
Quote by The Badger:
Football(or "soccer" as you call) it is a great sport thats played worldwide by club's and country's,
US suck at "soccer" thats why its not as big a sport there as it would be if they were any good . . .

You think football is a gay sport you wouldn't say that if you walked through my local park on a saturday morning . . .


Who pissed in your cheerios this morning? Soccer is the national sport in my country, and I am a big fan. In fact, I think dressing in tights, slapping each others asses (followed by "good game" like it makes it any less gay), throwing the ball and calling it football is just as gay, but thats beyond the point..

The thing is, that this is hilariious:D

FunINTheSun

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08 Mar 2010 07:37pm
Quote by Toilet Water:
The thing is, that this is hilariious:D


The E-mails sure are! :D

5553

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08 Mar 2010 07:39pm

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.


that's good!!


Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

^^ that's bettah!!

:-r :( But Rugby pawns us..


[FUC] Prime Time

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08 Mar 2010 07:40pm
Lol here is another one...

A Little Help
Posted at: 2010-02-04 18:53:23
Original ad:
I need someone who owns or has access to a pipe camera to inspect a sewer drain that runs from my house to a creek behind my house.. I constantly have to snake out the drain and need to see what is causing the clog. The pipe is about 50 feet long. Thanks!!
From Me to **********@************.org:

Hello,

Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!

From Me to Ben ******:

Ben,

I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.

Mike

From Ben ****** to Me:

Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!

[FUC] Prime Time

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08 Mar 2010 07:41pm
And a short one :D


Clydesdale Needs A Home
Posted at: 2009-10-01 13:41:23
From Me to ********@gmail.com
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

Hey there!

Your horse looks beautiful! Is he still available?

Michael Murphy
Vice President
Murphy Glue Factory, Inc.

From ********@gmail.com to Me
RE: Clydesdale horse needs caring owners:

HELL NO!!!

FunINTheSun

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08 Mar 2010 07:45pm
AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS!

The Badger

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08 Mar 2010 07:46pm
Batman your dead right
Rugby pawns all other physical sports.

[FUC] Prime Time

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08 Mar 2010 07:50pm
hahahahaha.. Dont rectify my xbox you sick fuck....


Xbox Repairman
Posted at: 2010-01-08 12:16:03
Original ad:
Broken Xbox 360? Red ring of death? Disc-read error? No problem! We repair broken Xbox 360s for $50 or less. Call or email ***-***-2811 or **********@comcast.net
From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Hello,

I sure hope you will be able to help me. I'm not sure what is wrong with my Xbox but it will not turn on. I've tried plugging it in to a bunch of different outlets, but none of them seem to work. Do you think you can help?

Thanks,

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

Hi Mike,

The outlet most likely has nothing to do with why your system won't turn on.

I certainly can help you though. I will rectify your xbox and can have it back to you in a week or so depending on the problem. Do you live in the area or would you like to ship the console?

Dean

From Me to Dean ******:

Oh my god, you are sick! I will not let you do that unspeakable act to my Xbox. I always knew that the internet is full of freaks and sexual deviants, but you have reached a new low. I thought your ad was for Xbox repairs, but I have been horribly mistaken.

From Dean ****** to Me:

Mike,

I'm not sure what you think I was saying. To rectify is to repair or mend something that is broken. I was only trying to tell you that I would repair your Xbox. I am sorry for any misunderstanding.

Dean

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

Don't lie to me. I know what rectify means, and the fact that you want to do it with an Xbox is disgusting. I can't even imagine how it is possible to do it with something that big, or what kind of pleasure that could possibly bring to a pervert like you. Regardless, I want my Xbox to be fixed, not to be violated and returned to me covered in ass hairs and feces. I will just mail it back to where I bought it and hope that the warranty is not void.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

You clearly don't know the definition of rectify. I assure you I only want to fix your system.

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

I don't even want to know what you mean by "fix my system." Leave me alone before I call the police, you pervert.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

I mean I am going to solve the problem that is causing your Xbox 360 to not turn on. That is all.

From Me to Dean ******:

Dean,

Even if you did return it to me and it worked, I would never be able to look at my Xbox the same way. There will always be the thought in the back of my mind that you took it and violated it.

I am going to post an ad warning other unsuspecting victims about the true disgusting motive behind your ad. What you are doing is sick.

Mike

From Dean ****** to Me:

If you do that then I will post an ad explaining that you are a fucking idiot that doesn't know what "rectify" means. Go fuck yourself.

Clint Eastwood

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08 Mar 2010 07:51pm
Quote by The Badger:
Batman your dead right Rugby pawns all other physical sports.


that i can agree with you on cuz id never play rugby haha even tho i watched a documentary type thing showin facts about sports and u get hit harder in football than in rugby cuz in rugby u have no pads so where u get hit ur hit in that direct spot but in football u get hit and the pads makes the force of the hit travel so u feel more pain... but ufc won the #1 spot rampage jacksons body slam beat everything

FunINTheSun

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08 Mar 2010 07:59pm
Quote by Toilet Water:
hahahahaha.. Dont rectify my xbox you sick fuck.... Xbox Repairman Posted at: 2010-01-08 12:16:03 Original ad: Broken Xbox 360? Red ring of death? Disc-read error? No problem! We repair broken Xbox 360s for $50 or less. Call or email ***-***-2811 or **********@comcast.net From Me to **********@comcast.net: Hello, I sure hope you will be able to help me. I'm not sure what is wrong with my Xbox but it will not turn on. I've tried plugging it in to a bunch of different outlets, but none of them seem to work. Do you think you can help? Thanks, Mike From Dean ****** to Me: Hi Mike, The outlet most likely has nothing to do with why your system won't turn on. I certainly can help you though. I will rectify your xbox and can have it back to you in a week or so depending on the problem. Do you live in the area or would you like to ship the console? Dean From Me to Dean ******: Oh my god, you are sick! I will not let you do that unspeakable act to my Xbox. I always knew that the internet is full of freaks and sexual deviants, but you have reached a new low. I thought your ad was for Xbox repairs, but I have been horribly mistaken. From Dean ****** to Me: Mike, I'm not sure what you think I was saying. To rectify is to repair or mend something that is broken. I was only trying to tell you that I would repair your Xbox. I am sorry for any misunderstanding. Dean From Me to Dean ******: Dean, Don't lie to me. I know what rectify means, and the fact that you want to do it with an Xbox is disgusting. I can't even imagine how it is possible to do it with something that big, or what kind of pleasure that could possibly bring to a pervert like you. Regardless, I want my Xbox to be fixed, not to be violated and returned to me covered in ass hairs and feces. I will just mail it back to where I bought it and hope that the warranty is not void. Mike From Dean ****** to Me: You clearly don't know the definition of rectify. I assure you I only want to fix your system. From Me to Dean ******: Dean, I don't even want to know what you mean by "fix my system." Leave me alone before I call the police, you pervert. Mike From Dean ****** to Me: I mean I am going to solve the problem that is causing your Xbox 360 to not turn on. That is all. From Me to Dean ******: Dean, Even if you did return it to me and it worked, I would never be able to look at my Xbox the same way. There will always be the thought in the back of my mind that you took it and violated it. I am going to post an ad warning other unsuspecting victims about the true disgusting motive behind your ad. What you are doing is sick. Mike From Dean ****** to Me: If you do that then I will post an ad explaining that you are a fucking idiot that doesn't know what "rectify" means. Go fuck yourself.


They just get better and better!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

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